Evidence that My Cat Is Not Batman

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There has recently been some confusion as to whether or not my cat, Ashes, is in fact Batman.  I am here to set the record straight.  He is not Batman, and here are some reasons why:

• Batman has opposable thumbs.  My cat does not.
• Batman will not cuddle in your lap.  My cat will.
• The phrase “cat and mouse” is more often than not only used figuratively in reference to Batman.
• Batman fights crime at night and poses as an international millionaire playboy by day.  My cat sleeps at night and sleeps during the day.
• Batman's arch-nemesis is the Joker.  My cat's arch-nemesis is our other cat, Chica.
• My cat eats kibble.  Batman, by all accounts, eats people food.
• Batman has one servant:  Alfred.  My cat has three servants:  me, my wife and my daughter.
• Batman roams the streets of Gotham City .  My cat roams the living room and sometimes the backyard.
• To summon Batman, you turn on the Bat Signal.  To summon my cat, you shake a bag of catnip and make kissy noises.
• My cat once suffered a severe urinary tract infection.  Batman maintains above-average urinary health.
• Batman wears bulletproof body armor.  My cat wears a flea collar.
• Batman has the Batarang, Batmobile, Batplane and Batcave.  My cat has a bit of string he likes to bat around.
• My cat once killed a mouse.  Batman does not kill.

About

Jeremy Clymer lives in Michigan , where he is a part-time freelance writer and full-time system administrator.  He writes regularly about pop culture for Break Studios and has had a short story included in the ShadowCast Audio Anthology podcast. Read his blog at http://eggytoast.wordpress.com/

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